Proud to Be Desperate

I remember being in 8th grade and I had my first boyfriend. I was so excited! We were about 2 months in and he called me one night and said, “We need to talk.” My sweet little 13 year old heart had no idea that that was code for, “I’m about to dump you.” We talked for a while on the phone as he explained to me why it wasn’t working out and during the duration of the call, my mom came into my room and I quickly clicked mute and told her that he was dumping me. My mom’s response was the same as many mother’s response would be, “I’m so sorry, honey. Don’t let him hear you cry.”

All throughout our lives we are taught many many things all leading to one common goal: independence. Think about it- from day one we are taught how to not need other people and how to make it on our own. (Now don’t get me wrong, if we are totally unable to do anything on our own we end up becoming codependent and suck the life out of the people around us.)

Our culture is obsessed with independence. How can I prove that I can make it on my own? How can I show everyone around me that I don’t need them- I’ve got this! And ladies??? NEVER let a guy think for one second that you need him at all! You are a strong independent woman who don’t need no man!!!

I found myself in a wild season recently. I guess I sang ‘Oceans’ too many times in college because let me tell you- I was out where my trust was without borders. I found myself so incredibly aware that I needed Jesus for every single step. I needed His promises, His presence, His voice, and all that He is in every single step. We always need Him for every step and every breath… but some seasons highlight that need more than others.

When the Lord called me to buy a house, I immediately thought about my relationship status. Was the Lord asking me to be a single woman living as a missionary on financial support… trying to buy a house?? Yes. Yes He was. Scripture talks about Jesus being the Bridegroom and the Church being the Bride… so I told the Lord that I’d need Him to be my husband in this process. But that’s just it- Jesus is the best husband ever. Through the entire process He was right by my side, guiding me and comforting me when the road got rough.

I found my soul in a place I’ve never been before- filled with JOY over my sheer desperation for Jesus. I relied completely on Him in a whole new way and it caused me to know Him in a totally new way. I’m so PROUD to be DESPERATE and utterly dependent on Jesus. I am NOT a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. I am weak in my flesh but made strong in Christ, I am completely dependent on Jesus and I do need Him, my man. 

With joy in my heart, I proudly declare my total desperation for Jesus. I will never find myself having a need that He does not satisfy. When I need a husband- He reminds me that He is forever my Bridegroom (Isaiah 54:5). When I was unsure where I would live, He promises to my safe place (Psalm 46:1).

Lean into desperation today, my friends. Rejoice that you need Him and rejoice all the more that He more than meets every single need that you’ll ever have.

“Jesus, I’m so glad that I’m desperate for you. I will boast in my need for You because you are the great I Am. You satisfy my every need- You are more than enough. I lack NOTHING in You. Remind my heart, soul, and mind that You are all I’ll ever need. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”



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