To the Lonely Ones,

Lonely.

Loneliness is one feeling that is often rejected in church cultures.

When a Christian says they feel lonely, they are often met with scripture being slapped in their face.

“Well you know God is with you!!!”

“Well the Word says you’re never alone!”

“Well that just means you aren’t leaning on the Lord enough!”

I’ve never understood how shame has ever felt like the correct response to loneliness. At the end of the day, all of those responses result in some level of shame. Never have I EVER felt better after someone has said one of those things to me. I’ve never told someone I was feeling lonely, have them tell me that I just need to trust the Lord more, and then suddenly felt better. Never. Ever. Happened.

Don’t get me wrong- all those answers bear truth. We do need to be reminded of truth and sometimes we do need a kick in the pants. 

But loneliness… Loneliness has a depth to it that is so specific to itself. Loneliness has a way of making you feel like it’s swallowing you completely. It can come in moments that don’t make sense: ‘lonely in a crowded room.’ And it can come in deeply disappointing moments: ‘I thought you’d be there for me but I was alone.’

I had a moment of incredible loneliness a few weeks ago. It was one of those moments where loss met disappointment in one consuming moment of loneliness. I felt devastated and completely alone. It felt like the pain would last forever- it felt inescapable. 

I wondered if Jesus actually understood my pain- this pain. Did Jesus understand the depth of loneliness, abandonment, and deep deep disappointment I was feeling?

Then He reminded me of one very specific moment:

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" -Matthew 27:46

I wonder what it felt like for Jesus in that moment. He had always had perfect fellowship with the Father. Since the dawn of time- He had never been separated from Him. Ever. 

Yet… in this moment… in this horrible and dark moment… there was separation. As our sins were poured out onto Jesus and the wrath of God was satisfied through His sacrifice- Jesus felt a distance that He had never felt before. I wonder if that was the most unbearable part of the crucifixion. 

Did that moment feel like an eternity in and of itself? 

Did Jesus feel alone while surrounded by people? 

Did the reality that no one else in the history of humanity had ever or would ever understand what He was experiencing overwhelm His heart? 

Hebrews 4 talks about Jesus being our great High Priest who understands us and can empathize with us completely. There is no pain that you will ever feel that Jesus doesn’t understand. 

Breathe that in, beloved. 

Jesus paid an incredible high price and suffered greatly, not only to conquer sin and death and pay for your salvation but also to know you fully; to understand your experiences and pain completely. To be able to be right beside you in your pain and be able to empathize with you fully.

I don’t know what you’re walking through and if I did, there’s a chance I wouldn’t understand it. But Jesus does. He’s right beside you. He sees you. He knows you. He loves you more than you could ever know or ever hope. 

You can bring your loneliness to Him and He won’t hand you shame in the form of a christian clichés. He’ll bring exactly what your soul needs. You might not even know what you need right now… but He does. 

Invite Him into the hardest and darkest moments. He knows exactly what those moments are like. He’s with us when we’re in the fire and in the flood. He’s unafraid to sit in the bottom of the pit with you.

Maybe this simply prayer is where you need to start:

“Jesus, I’m lonely and my heart is hurting. I’m disappointed and frustrated. I know that You are good but my situation is saying otherwise. Would You meet me here in my loneliness and pain? Would You reveal Yourself to me in this hard and dark moment? Thank You for walking among men- thank You for being able to understand my pain. I know You are with me, even when it doesn’t feel like You are. I know I can trust You; help me to trust You. I love You. In Jesus name, Amen.”

“He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. ” - Isaiah 53:3-5