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When there hasn’t been breakthrough
I was begging the Lord for breakthrough. I was weeping at His feet begging Him to have His way in my life. I was taking communion, anointing my home and myself, fasting weekly, reading all the right books, and only listening to worship music…. but nothing was changing.
Maybe I hadn’t renounced enough lies. Maybe I hadn’t repented enough. Maybe I hadn’t decreed and declared enough or maybe I hadn’t decreed and declared the right things. Maybe I needed to not want breakthrough to look a certain way. Maybe I needed to blah, blah, blah, religious act this or religious act that.
Most Christians have a working understanding that they can’t earn their salvation… but Martin Luther once said that “religion is the default of the human heart” and we see that realized in the moments of trying to ‘earn’ our breakthrough. Even the “least religious” Christians turn to some sort of Christian equation in times of pain and trial; charismatics try and figure out how many times they need to prayer walk their neighborhood while praying in tongues and the baptists will try to figure out how many books of the Bible they need to memorize.
How absolutely exhausting.
When we examine the life of Christ, we see the way He abhors religious heart motives. It’s never about the actions, we need to be disciplined in our faith, it’s all about the posture of our hearts. If you believe that your religious deeds will bring you breakthrough, you have missed the entire purpose of your trial; closeness with Jesus. No matter what you are facing, the greatest outcome possible for you, is deeper intimacy with Jesus- second would be the thing that you’re praying for.
When Lazarus died, Martha ran to Jesus and said to Him, “If You would have been here my brother wouldn’t have died.” A true statement that Jesus confirms with one of the greatest ‘I Am’ statements that Jesus makes, stating that He indeed is the Messiah, The Resurrection and the Life. Incredible! But then Jesus asks for Mary. When Mary shows up she says the exact same thing that her sister said, “If You would have been here my brother wouldn’t have died.” Right after this, Jesus asked to see the body, weeps, and then resurrects her brother. Why was there such a different response to the exact same statement? When Mary says it, she is weeping at His feet.
Worship changes everything.
We need spiritual discipline. we need to be in the Word- we need to memorize it and write it on our hearts. We need to fast regularly and we need to take communion and remember what Jesus has done for us. Paul says we should all desire to speak in tongues and we should do that! But…. without worship, without loving Jesus through it all, we might as well not even be Christians.
That’s not heresy, that’s what Paul said.
“ If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
Research has shown us that the people living in Corinth at the time who worshiped pagan gods did so using gongs and cymbals. Paul is saying that if we do all of these great spiritual practices without love, without worship, we might as well be pagans.
I don’t know what is on the other side of your situation. I don’t know what breakthrough will look like in your life or in mine… but I know that I’ll never get there as Martha. I know I’ll never get there through pagan worship.
Drawing near to Jesus is the only way to see things change in your life because when we draw near to Him, everything changes in the light of who He is.
Let Him shift your heart from desperate religious acts to intimacy and worship. Weep at His feet, lean into His voice, and gaze into the eyes of the One who loves you and has an incredible plan for your life and a perfect way through this storm.
You are so loved, dear one. Hold on to Him.
Jesus will be last
Did the title grab your attention? Do you think that maybe I’m a heretic? Let me explain.
This past weekend, I had the honor of being a bridesmaid and a wedding coordinator for one of my dear friends. It was the sixteenth wedding I’ve been in. 😳 Yep, you read that right- SIXTEEN!!!
Being in a wedding while nursing a broken heart is no easy task, but it was one I felt that the Lord had asked me to take on, even when I was given the option to simply come as a guest. Sometimes we need to give even when it hurts; even when it costs us something.
There was a moment during the reception, when I was watching my dear friend and her new husband, that I felt as if my heart was bleeding inside of me. The pain felt momentarily unbearable.
“Will I be the last one to get married?” I wondered to myself.
“No, I will be.” I heard Jesus whisper to my heart.
I have stood beside 16 of my friends and watched them say, “I do.” I’ve been part of planning 16 beautiful dream-come-true days. I have seen 16 brides walk towards 16 grooms and have watched 16 love stories be fulfilled right before my eyes while waiting for my own fulfillment.
But Jesus has watched 61.5 million weddings take place in America alone in the last 50 years, while He remains separated from His Bride. I thought the 16 that I’ve walked through was hard- I can’t imagine 61 MILLION!!!!! But each one that passes is one closer to HIS wedding day.
No one has been waiting longer for their wedding day than Jesus.
Read that again.
No one has been waiting longer for their wedding day than Jesus.
The very last thing that will take place in this entire age will be Jesus’ wedding. Jesus will be the very last one to get married.
Lets take a look:
His wedding, the wedding supper of the Lamb, will be the last thing to happen in this age and the first thing to happen in the New Heaven and New Earth. The Last will very literally be the First.
His wedding isn’t the last one because He’s done something wrong. God isn’t withholding The Bride from Jesus or Jesus from the Bride due to disobedience or needing to earn something or for Him to reach some level of maturity- His wedding will be last because it is the will of the Father. Jesus is waiting for His Bride. She isn’t ready yet and that’s okay; she’s getting ready.
“Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” - Hebrews 4:14-16
There are moments in life when we walk through super specific struggles that can tempt us to feel like Jesus doesn’t fully understand our situation… (even though He does) but waiting to get married is not one of those struggles.
No one understands the longing for their Wedding Day as Jesus does. No one has waited longer than He has. No one has been single for longer, WITH THE PROMISE of a spouse, than Him.
When we say that Jesus is “in the waiting with us” He very truly is.
May that bring you a great deal of comfort today, especially if you feel like you are the “last one” to get married. You haven’t done something wrong, you have not been forgotten, and you are in GREAT company.
I can promise you this: you will either get married before Jesus does… or His Wedding Day will be yours.
Take heart.
Lift your eyes.
He is with you.
The Marriage Supper of the Lamb
“Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,
“Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God
the Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult
and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride has made herself ready;
it was granted her to clothe herself
with fine linen, bright and pure”—
for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”
- Revelation 19:6-9
Battle Buddies
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” - Proverbs 17:17
I was telling a friend the other day that, even though this has been an incredibly hard season, it’s been an incredible moment for the Church in my life. I am confident that there is no other support system on the planet that compares to the Church when she is functioning in her purpose.
When an old familiar friend, Heartbreak, unexpectedly showed up at my front door the response from my friends was overwhelmingly beautiful. One friend showed up with coffee, one brought me lunch. One friend came with her newborn and prayed over me as I cried harder than her baby.
A few days into Heartbreak’s unwanted and unwelcomed visit, I mentioned to a few friends that I was having a hard time eating; everything sounded completely unappetizing. The very next morning, I heard a knock at my bedroom door. I opened it to find one of my dear friends standing there, holding a plate, with breakfast on it. “You don’t have to eat this… but I think you should try.” she said to me. I was undone.
This is one of many stories I could tell you about in which the incredible love of Jesus was on display through my friends and leaders but the point that I really want to make is that when you give your life to Jesus, He of course saves you from a lot of things: sin, death, hell, etc… but He also saves you for something: to be part of His Bride.
You were not created to be alone in this life and while, of course, your one on one relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in this life, the vast majority of this life is meant to be lived in community- especially your Christian walk. We need one another more than we realize. The amount of times in this season that I have had friends who held up my arms in this fight as Aaron and Hur held up Moses’ arms are uncountable.
The devil wants to take you OUT. Often that comes through discouragement and disappointment but nothing makes it easier for him to do this than isolation. When you’re alone, he can pick you off before you even realize it’s happened. But when you have locked arms with those around you that are running after Jesus and are anchored in the Word of God (not in their emotions or feelings) then you are much less likely to fall when he comes for you.
You need your battle buddies. You need to find the people who will hold you when you cry and will remind you of who you are in Christ and, more importantly, who God is no matter your situation.
Go find your battle buddies; lock arms, fight for them, and let them fight for you.
“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.”
- 1 Peter 5:8-9
Death, I feel Your Sting
This week I lead worship at a friend’s funeral. She was 23. As I drove to the service I found myself saying, “I wish this wasn’t happening.”
As Christians, we know that death has been defeated. We recognize that Paul writes again and again that death holds no more power. I found myself thinking something that I’ve thought a time or two before when faced with the death of a loved one: I feel death’s sting.
“O death, where is thy sting?
O grave, where is thy victory?”
- 1 Corinthians 15:55
In this present moment in time, we find ourselves living in the “already and not yet.” Jesus has already conquered the grave but we we, on this side of eternity, do not yet experience the fullness of His victory.
Our original design was to live in the garden, in perfect communion with our Maker, never knowing death. Death was never meant to be part of the equation. I think that’s why so many cultures create elaborate rituals and traditions around saying goodbye to deceased loved ones- we’re not really sure what to do with it. One moment, someone we love is right in front of us; we see the light in their eyes, the warmth in their skin, and they’re present with you in what you’re experiencing and then, often rather suddenly, they’re gone. Even if we’re able to see their body at a funeral viewing, it can feel so completely foreign that the person we loved isn’t there; their body, the body we knew them to be, really wasn’t the essence of the person. Nothing brings the reality that we are, as C.S. Lewis once said, “not a body with a soul but a soul with a body” as much as this experience.
We look at pictures or videos of our loved one and feel something in us saying, “I’d give anything for just one more_______.” We know that it would never be enough because deep in our souls, we know that we were not created for temporary. The “one more____” that we desire is an indicator that we are eternal beings who were created for eternal things: eternal relationships, eternal hope, eternal love and joy, eternal togetherness. Our flesh and our soul collide when what we thought was forever is torn from our lives resulting in the physical pain often experienced in moments of heartache and loss.
“He has put eternity into man's heart.” - Ecclesiastes 3:11
There is coming a day when that pain will forever be gone; a day when the ‘not yet’ will fade away and we will step fully into the victory of Christ and no longer feel the sting of death. On that day, the idea of ‘temporary’ will be obliterated and only the eternal will stand.
Thank You, Jesus.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
- Revelation 21:4
I am confident that though I feel the sting of death in the loss of my sweet friend she does not. She’s free from the struggles of this life and filled with a greater joy and peace than anyone on this side of eternity could ever comprehend.
In loving memory of Cady Thompson.
Hug Jesus for me, sweet friend. 🤍
Regret : Navigating Heartbreak
I wish I wasn’t writing this. I didn’t expect to be here again; I guess very few people anticipate that their heart will be broken once again… but alas, here I am. I was as careful and cautious as I possibly could be, but all the caution in the world couldn’t have stopped me from arriving here. To be perfectly honest? I’m glad nothing stopped me from being here again.
That is not to say I’m glad my relationship ended- I’m not. (Although, every well meaning friend has assured me that someday I will be… but I have yet to find myself there.) But that is to say, I do believe with all of my heart that Alfred Lord Tennyson was correct when penned the famous expression, “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” It would be easy to say that I regret this relationship or falling in love… but nothing could be further from the truth.
Culture paints pictures of heartbroken girls eating a gallon of ice cream, cursing her ex’s name, saying, “I wish I had never met him!!!! I wish we had never fallen in love!”
Why is that? Well, because pain often tempts us to regret that which has caused us pain but I’ve found regret to be a waste of time and utterly contrary to the Gospel. If I truly, deep down in my bones, believe the Bible to be the perfect Word of God, and I believe that Romans 8:28 is actively true, regret has no place in my life. (Remorse over sin being different than regret, of course.)
“And we know that for those who love God
all things work together for good, for those
who are called according to His purpose.”
- Romans 8:28
This verse often creates emotional tension within the heart of anyone who has walked the road of grief and sorrow. The tension grows exponentially when we played a part in causing our own pain. We find ourselves wishing we could go back and change things. The ‘if onlys’ and the ‘what ifs’ play through our mind as we endlessly weep through all the tissues in the house. But, when our soul has been anchored in the living Word of God, the verse above pushes back on those sneaking questions. Because, the reality is- God is working this together for our ultimate good.
I was asked earlier today my a friend of mine, if I had one wish, what would I wish for. I told my friend that I was tempted to say that I would wish to go back in time, to the day before things began to unravel in my relationship, and warn myself; I said I’d do anything I could to prevent the situations that ended things with the man I love. I would warn myself of what to say and what not to say- I would let her know what was coming and what I thought could stop it… but then I told my friend that if I were to be perfectly honest, I would likely not use my one wish in that way. As excruciatingly painful as this heartbreak has been, as devastating as this loss has been, I wouldn’t undo it. Why? Because deep down in my soul, I believe the Bible. I believe God is in THIS moment and that He has a reason for this momentary affliction (2 Corinthians 4:17).
Wanting to undo what has happened would be saying that I do not trust that God has my best interest in mind or that I know better than He or it would be saying that God has lost control and this situation is somehow outside of His plan for my life. Without knowing the end of my story, I know full well that this moment is necessary! God loves us too much to allow unnecessary pain. This pain has been like a refiners fire, pulling me closer to the heart of God and continually revealing more of the Father’s love for me. If that alone is the reason for this experience, who am I to say that it isn’t worth it?
We happily declare God to be the author of our story when it could be copyrighted as a Hallmark script, but will we glory in Him as our Author when we despise the current plot twists that He has written? Do we trust His nature enough to know that even this is for our ultimate joy and our greatest good? If He really is a good Father, if He really is the perfect Redeemer, then even our darkest of nights hold anticipation of a greater dawn than we’ve ever known.
I think of Joseph and I wonder if he was ever tempted to regret sharing his dreams with his brothers. That was what landed him in a pit, then caused him to be sold into slavery, then wrongly accused of rape, and then put into and Egyptian prison. How could anything good come from all of that?! If he had kept quiet, perhaps his brother would have left him alone and Joseph would have enjoyed a nice life right beside his father, Jacob. But God was writing a different story- one that was for an even greater outcome, not only Jacob and his family, but for entire nations. There is not one ounce of regret in Joseph’s mind when he declares the following:
“As for you, you meant evil against me,
but God meant it for good, to bring it
about that many people should be kept
alive, as they are today.”
- Genesis 50:20
Regret is a temptress but worshipping through grief and thanking God for who He is are the best way to face heartbreak.
I truly couldn’t be more grateful that the Lord allowed me to experience a relationship like I had. I have never loved someone so much and I’ve never been loved in such a Christlike way; the current pain doesn’t negate that! While I wish the Lord hadn’t allowed it to end and that this chapter hadn’t been necessary, all I can do now is thank the Lord for every good memory that was made and everything about the relationship that caused me to grow closer to Him and trust Him as I grieve, process, and press forward.
I’ll allow this place to become an altar of His nearness.
I’ll let my tears wet His feet as I draw closer and closer.
I will declare His faithfulness.
I will worship the One who never leaves nor changes.
I will remind my soul that even now, even in the valley, He is leading me towards a greater glory and a more wonderful “good” than I could ask, think, or imagine, no matter the outcome.
If you are in this valley with me, I beg you, do not give in to regret. Set your face like flint and choose to thank the Lord for whatever He is doing right now. Grieve deeply, invite Him into every single painful moment, and continue to thank Him for who He is. I promise you, He is moving on your behalf; even when it seems utterly impossible that this is for your good, I promise you, it is. I say that to you, tears streaming down my face, wondering how in the world this will all shake out… but knowing that it’s true for me and that it’s true for you.
Onward.
Life Update!
On my most recent trip to my hometown, I realized that in the business of a new season, I haven’t shared with very many people what I now have the extreme honor and privilege of doing.
In 2020, when the Lord called me to step down from Grace City Church, I was crushed even knowing it was the right thing to do. But I knew, deep in my soul, that the Lord was calling me to something incredible even though I had no idea what it was. I kept hearing Revelation 4:1, where Jesus says, “Come up higher so I can show you what must take place.”
I had a deep sense of peace jumping into the unkown. I could tell you about the season in between that jump and where I landed… but thats a story for another day.
When the lockdowns happened there was but one movement, world wide, that rose up to fill in the gap that the entire global church had left in a deeply hurting world; Let Us Worship founded by Sean Feucht. Sean began to lead outdoor worship gathers all across the nation in the face of lockdowns, riots, and protests. Let Us Worship has been to over 150 cities nationwide since its genesis in 2020 and it isn’t slowing down!!!!
I reached out to Sean in June of 2021 to see if there was any way I could help serve this movement. I began volunteering for Let Us Worship in September and I am so beyond excited to announce that I am now the Event Coordinator for this movement as well as helping with social media and heading up the merchandise department. I have the honor of working with leaders all across the nation to organize these life changing events and I couldn’t be more undone by the kindness of God.
I am writing this from a cafe in the heart of Chicago, preparing for a weekend of outreach and worship. We are going into the hardest and darkest cities in the nation to establish a throne of praise and to ask the Lord to revive our nation!!!!!
I have seen deaf ears open, lifelong pain healed, depression shattered, suicide broken, and more people give their lives to Jesus than I’ could begin to count.
I have prayed for countless people who are actively struggling with self harm, depression, eating disorders, and suicide JUST LIKE I ONCE DID and have seen the power of the Holy Spirit set them free in a moment!!!! This is only the beginning!!!!
I could never encourage anyone enough to say “YES” to Jesus no matter what. No matter who illogical it sounds, no matter who scary, no matter what you don’t know… His plans for you are SO SO SO GOOD but they are on the other side of surrender. FULL surrender. No caveats. There is life and life ABUNDANT in Him alone!!!!
You can follow along and stay up to date by following me on instagram @liafaithlive and by following @Let.Us.Worship and @SeanFeucht
(Click Missionaries -> Liafaith Fischer)
I Thought My Home Would Be Bursting By Now…
It’s early; the sun has just risen over the mountains, flooding my front room with warm morning light. The light pours in; the gentlest wake up my home could hope for.
My home is quiet. It’s absent of the sounds I anticipated that would fill it by now. There are no sleepy little feet shuffling about, no babies cooing. The deepest voice in the house will be my own raspy morning voice when my coffee finally fills me with the energy to speak. There is no one to make coffee for- no lover to kiss on his way out the door.
I thought my home would be bursting at the seems with life and with love from a family by now. But as the morning light kisses my sleepy cheeks, I feel an assuredness deep in my soul; my home is, indeed, filled with life and truly is bursting at the seems with love.
The sounds that I had hoped for are exchanged for the sound of stillness- the promise of peace, the words of Yeshua flood my being. Its not the tsunami wave I thought it would be but the slow rising of a well that knows no end. It’s not the wildness of the ocean but the stillness of a river.
Is His presence enough to fill my home? Can I greet the morning, gazing into His eyes alone and know that that is greater than my wildest dreams? Indeed, there is no greater good.
I don’t know if babies are coming. I don’t know that the word ‘bride’ will ever be my title outside of my covenant with Yeshua. But I do know this: my life is full and bursting at the seems; nothing lacking, nothing missing.
Yes and amen.
*The Gift of Singleness*
Before you roll your eyes at the title of this blog, I implore you to keep reading- this isn’t your average single girl post.
Singleness has been a part of my identity my entire life. I’ve never dated and have never been on a date and, honestly? I’ve let that occupy the deepest corners of my heart, mind, and soul. Of course I thought of it when the trash can was overflowing or when I have to do all the heavy lifting on my own with housework… but it was and has always been a main topic of conversation in my prayer life. I’ve held my singleness like a cancer in my body- I grieved it, despised it, and was always aware of it.
(Now, don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of scriptures about being persistent in prayer. I’m NEVER against petitioning the heavens! )
I’m no where close to being alone in this struggle:
Singleness is seen as a scarlet letter in the church. It’s often mourned with great agony and exhaustion. I’ve had countless conversation with girl friends in which either I or they wept over their singleness and spoke of how we dreaded doing life alone- how we dreamed of marrying and moving our lives forward.
Could this really be the picture of waiting on the Lord? Could this truly be the Lord’s will for our lives? Days filled with hopeless pining for that which He has not yet willed us to have?
I think we see nothing short of the opposite fill scripture. To start, we must examine, first and foremost, the relationship status of the Savior of the world, the Darling of Heaven, and the Hope of Nations: single.
Jesus has been single and waiting SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME. Does he long for His Bride? Absolutely! Was His life halted by His singleness? Not at all. He knew the long and painful road ahead that He had to take yet it took it- for His coming Bride. His Bride that He still waits for two thousands years later. Perhaps no one understands singleness like our Savior does. No one has fought harder for their future spouse. No one has waited longer for their union. No one has given more for their coming Bride and no one has faced more rejection than our Beloved.
Perhaps, there is a deep and beautiful, “Me too” echoing from the heart of our Bridegroom when we find ourselves JOYFULLY waiting for our wedding day. I believe that is His chief emotion when He thinks of His Bride and the Wedding Day that draws closer every moment- pure joy. Every moment I’ve ever spent day dreaming of a perfect wedding day will seem a silly doodle in comparison the masterpiece that day will be. Can you imagine when we’re finally with Him?
Alas, there is much to be done before that day. So, let’s examine someone else and their marital status!
Paul. (What a shock, I know!)
Paul was famously fond of his singleness! He encouraged singleness as one can read in I Corinthians 7:7. But I want to look beyond that well known passage.
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:11-13
This is basically a command: I. AM. TO BE. CONTENT.
The word ‘content’ in the greek is, “autarkēs” which means- contented with one's lot, with one's means, though the slenderest.
Does this describe the singleness culture of the church? Why do singles in the faith carry the same hopelessness and discontentment as the singles in the world do? Even when singleness is grieved (which of course it can be) are we not called to grieve it with hope? (1 Thessalonians 4:13) Do we not serve a God who loves us and withholds no good thing? Yet we make Him to be someone who dangles the dream of a beautiful marriage in front of us as a cruel joke.
We talk about the gift of singleness as if it were a curse on par with being damned to hell for all of eternity. Where’s the lie!? Ask a single Christian girl if she has considered the gift of singleness and she will absolutely explode on you. She’ll tell you the Lord will give her the desires of her heart and that yes she’s laid it down and surrendered it even though she moans and groans about it incessantly. Once again…where’s the lie!?! I can say all of that because I’ve lived it for years and years and.. yes you’ve guessed it… YEARS!!!
But what if we can’t manipulate scripture to guarantee a spouse? What if God giving us the desires of our heart is Him giving us Himself?
I, of course, believe that He longs for us to say ‘yes’ to the dreams of His heart and then allow us to see things far greater than we can ask, think, or imagine… but… we’d never argue that every desire we have is from Him. We read Romans 12 and heartily agree that we must lay down our fleshly desires at all cost to live as living sacrifices. If I have a deep desire to be a wall street millionaire, most in the church would speak to me about my need to lay that desire down and say ‘yes’ to whatever the Lord has for me beyond that desire. Yet, that is rarely said when it comes to the desire for earthly marriages.
Ahh… did that distinction catch your eye?
Earthly marriage.
Can I propose something that feels new to my soul? What if there is a 100% guarantee that the desire for a Christian to be married is godly and will 100% happen… but without the guarantee that it’ll happen on this side of eternity. What if the ache for a husband is the deepest parts of our souls longing for our Bridegroom? There are wonderful, God-fearing women who have the desire for marriage are late in their years, are serving the Lord with all that they have, and are single. Why do we have to make up excuses that honestly are rather insulting either to the one who’s listening to them or to the God who is sovereign over all for these women’s situations? We’re okay accepting much worse things being allowed by the Lord than we are singleness. When someone dies and we talk about them being in a better place and how the Lord called them home… but we can’t say that maybe the gift of singleness truly is a gift even when it isn’t seen as such at first. What if this desire in me, this ache I feel for a husband, is my soul yearning for intimacy with Jesus? What if the desire I have to be a wife is fulfilled on the Final Day? What if I’m called to live my days, completely head over heals in love with Jesus, waiting for my Betrothed? Why has that been my greatest fear? Could anything be more wonderful than a life fully and completely devoted to Jesus and none other? Would that not be the most wonderful gift rather than a most horrid curse?
The second kind of new thought that has been stirring in my soul is this: Why do we act like the gift of singleness can’t be given for a season? Right now, the Lord has given me the gift of singleness. I love my life the way that it is. Would a spouse make some things easier? Yep! Would a spouse also perhaps make some things harder? Yep! But for now… thinking about either one of those questions doesn’t anchor me in God’s current will for my life- it puts me in a fantasy land where I try to play god by overruling what He has ordained for my life. Reality is- I’m single. There are no men on the horizon and honestly? I’m deeply grateful not to be with any of the men I’ve considered in the past. He has saved me with the gift of singleness time and again. He truly has withheld no good thing from me.
So, what if we embraced our lot? What if we believed the God of the Bible’s words? What if we trusted His plans for our lives? What if this truly is a gift in my life?
If I marry someday, my time will be much more full than it is now. I have lots of alone time right now. I have a lot of time to simply be with the Lord; to just rest in His presence. I used to think I’d gladly trade my solitude for a husband and children but right now, I’m treasuring every moment of stillness that I’ve been gifted. I could see these days as lonely and depressing or as the most precious and most obvious invitations from the Lord to draw closer and closer and closer to His beautiful face. Will I ever have these days again if the gift of singleness is someday exchanged for the blessing of family? No, I wont. I’ll have a husband who looks like Jesus and kids who sanctify me daily! It’ll be a new opportunity to draw closer to the Lord but for now- I’m so tired of wasting this opportunity to draw closer.
I don’t know the end of my story- or even the next few chapters! I have no idea how long I’ll get to enjoy the gift of singleness- forever or one more year! I have no idea if a sweet husband is around the corner here on earth or if my desire for marriage will be satisfied on the final day at the Wedding Supper of the Lamb. To be honest? I don’t know that I care anymore. I want Him. If I acquire more of Him through a husband and family- praise the Lord. And if not? Praise the Lord.
No matter what happens here on earth- everything will end with the most perfect Wedding Day; the Bride and The Bridegroom, finally together, forever.
Maranatha.