*The Gift of Singleness*

Before you roll your eyes at the title of this blog, I implore you to keep reading- this isn’t your average single girl post.

Singleness has been a part of my identity my entire life. I’ve never dated and have never been on a date and, honestly? I’ve let that occupy the deepest corners of my heart, mind, and soul. Of course I thought of it when the trash can was overflowing or when I have to do all the heavy lifting on my own with housework… but it was and has always been a main topic of conversation in my prayer life. I’ve held my singleness like a cancer in my body- I grieved it, despised it, and was always aware of it.

(Now, don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of scriptures about being persistent in prayer. I’m NEVER against petitioning the heavens! )

I’m no where close to being alone in this struggle:

Singleness is seen as a scarlet letter in the church. It’s often mourned with great agony and exhaustion. I’ve had countless conversation with girl friends in which either I or they wept over their singleness and spoke of how we dreaded doing life alone- how we dreamed of marrying and moving our lives forward.

Could this really be the picture of waiting on the Lord? Could this truly be the Lord’s will for our lives? Days filled with hopeless pining for that which He has not yet willed us to have?

I think we see nothing short of the opposite fill scripture. To start, we must examine, first and foremost, the relationship status of the Savior of the world, the Darling of Heaven, and the Hope of Nations: single.

Jesus has been single and waiting SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME. Does he long for His Bride? Absolutely! Was His life halted by His singleness? Not at all. He knew the long and painful road ahead that He had to take yet it took it- for His coming Bride. His Bride that He still waits for two thousands years later. Perhaps no one understands singleness like our Savior does. No one has fought harder for their future spouse. No one has waited longer for their union. No one has given more for their coming Bride and no one has faced more rejection than our Beloved.

Perhaps, there is a deep and beautiful, “Me too” echoing from the heart of our Bridegroom when we find ourselves JOYFULLY waiting for our wedding day. I believe that is His chief emotion when He thinks of His Bride and the Wedding Day that draws closer every moment- pure joy. Every moment I’ve ever spent day dreaming of a perfect wedding day will seem a silly doodle in comparison the masterpiece that day will be. Can you imagine when we’re finally with Him?

Alas, there is much to be done before that day. So, let’s examine someone else and their marital status!

Paul. (What a shock, I know!)

Paul was famously fond of his singleness! He encouraged singleness as one can read in I Corinthians 7:7. But I want to look beyond that well known passage.

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:11-13

This is basically a command: I. AM. TO BE. CONTENT.

The word ‘content’ in the greek is, “autarkēs” which means- contented with one's lot, with one's means, though the slenderest.

Does this describe the singleness culture of the church? Why do singles in the faith carry the same hopelessness and discontentment as the singles in the world do? Even when singleness is grieved (which of course it can be) are we not called to grieve it with hope? (1 Thessalonians 4:13) Do we not serve a God who loves us and withholds no good thing? Yet we make Him to be someone who dangles the dream of a beautiful marriage in front of us as a cruel joke.

We talk about the gift of singleness as if it were a curse on par with being damned to hell for all of eternity. Where’s the lie!? Ask a single Christian girl if she has considered the gift of singleness and she will absolutely explode on you. She’ll tell you the Lord will give her the desires of her heart and that yes she’s laid it down and surrendered it even though she moans and groans about it incessantly. Once again…where’s the lie!?! I can say all of that because I’ve lived it for years and years and.. yes you’ve guessed it… YEARS!!!

But what if we can’t manipulate scripture to guarantee a spouse? What if God giving us the desires of our heart is Him giving us Himself?

I, of course, believe that He longs for us to say ‘yes’ to the dreams of His heart and then allow us to see things far greater than we can ask, think, or imagine… but… we’d never argue that every desire we have is from Him. We read Romans 12 and heartily agree that we must lay down our fleshly desires at all cost to live as living sacrifices. If I have a deep desire to be a wall street millionaire, most in the church would speak to me about my need to lay that desire down and say ‘yes’ to whatever the Lord has for me beyond that desire. Yet, that is rarely said when it comes to the desire for earthly marriages.

Ahh… did that distinction catch your eye?

Earthly marriage.

Can I propose something that feels new to my soul? What if there is a 100% guarantee that the desire for a Christian to be married is godly and will 100% happen… but without the guarantee that it’ll happen on this side of eternity. What if the ache for a husband is the deepest parts of our souls longing for our Bridegroom? There are wonderful, God-fearing women who have the desire for marriage are late in their years, are serving the Lord with all that they have, and are single. Why do we have to make up excuses that honestly are rather insulting either to the one who’s listening to them or to the God who is sovereign over all for these women’s situations? We’re okay accepting much worse things being allowed by the Lord than we are singleness. When someone dies and we talk about them being in a better place and how the Lord called them home… but we can’t say that maybe the gift of singleness truly is a gift even when it isn’t seen as such at first. What if this desire in me, this ache I feel for a husband, is my soul yearning for intimacy with Jesus? What if the desire I have to be a wife is fulfilled on the Final Day? What if I’m called to live my days, completely head over heals in love with Jesus, waiting for my Betrothed? Why has that been my greatest fear? Could anything be more wonderful than a life fully and completely devoted to Jesus and none other? Would that not be the most wonderful gift rather than a most horrid curse?

The second kind of new thought that has been stirring in my soul is this: Why do we act like the gift of singleness can’t be given for a season? Right now, the Lord has given me the gift of singleness. I love my life the way that it is. Would a spouse make some things easier? Yep! Would a spouse also perhaps make some things harder? Yep! But for now… thinking about either one of those questions doesn’t anchor me in God’s current will for my life- it puts me in a fantasy land where I try to play god by overruling what He has ordained for my life. Reality is- I’m single. There are no men on the horizon and honestly? I’m deeply grateful not to be with any of the men I’ve considered in the past. He has saved me with the gift of singleness time and again. He truly has withheld no good thing from me.

So, what if we embraced our lot? What if we believed the God of the Bible’s words? What if we trusted His plans for our lives? What if this truly is a gift in my life?

If I marry someday, my time will be much more full than it is now. I have lots of alone time right now. I have a lot of time to simply be with the Lord; to just rest in His presence. I used to think I’d gladly trade my solitude for a husband and children but right now, I’m treasuring every moment of stillness that I’ve been gifted. I could see these days as lonely and depressing or as the most precious and most obvious invitations from the Lord to draw closer and closer and closer to His beautiful face. Will I ever have these days again if the gift of singleness is someday exchanged for the blessing of family? No, I wont. I’ll have a husband who looks like Jesus and kids who sanctify me daily! It’ll be a new opportunity to draw closer to the Lord but for now- I’m so tired of wasting this opportunity to draw closer.

I don’t know the end of my story- or even the next few chapters! I have no idea how long I’ll get to enjoy the gift of singleness- forever or one more year! I have no idea if a sweet husband is around the corner here on earth or if my desire for marriage will be satisfied on the final day at the Wedding Supper of the Lamb. To be honest? I don’t know that I care anymore. I want Him. If I acquire more of Him through a husband and family- praise the Lord. And if not? Praise the Lord.

No matter what happens here on earth- everything will end with the most perfect Wedding Day; the Bride and The Bridegroom, finally together, forever.

Maranatha.